The Future of Medicine: You
What would you say is the most common piece of advice about pursuing a dream? I’ve heard so many variations of, “If there is something you want enough, cut out anything else and give everything you have. No matter how long it takes, you can achieve it.” I think this is true, but I also think it dangerously misunderstands the human condition. It assumes we all have only one thing we want in life, and that cutting everything else out to get it is worth the sacrifice. People aren’t one-dimensional. We all have a multitude of desires and passions, unique combinations of careers, hobbies, and family identities we hope to build. I understand if all the things we want in life are hard to achieve, settling for one gives us the “best odds.” Then, we either obtain it at the expense of ourselves, or we lose it and everything with it. What if, counterintuitively, we gave everything to everything? If we have multiple passions in life, what if we allowed ourselves to protect them all and build them together in ways only we uniquely could? We spend too much time thinking about “getting” the dream and less about why we have dreams in the first place. We aspire for certain jobs, skills, hobbies, and relationships because something in each of them draws out our passions. If we cut out passion along the process to the dream, we lose no matter what.
In medicine, it’s dangerously easy to fall into this trap. The field desperately needs us to stay human, yet it does everything in its power to make it difficult to do so. Luckily, there are those who make daily, intentional efforts to bring humanism and medicine together. Some people say, “Never meet your heroes.” Clearly, those people should change their hero to Dr. Laura Vater.
Meet Laura:
For those of you who aren’t familiar, Laura Vater is a gastrointestinal oncologist, a professor of clinical medicine, a prominent activist of mental health and humanism, and a creative writer of fiction and narrative medicine, all while being a loving mother and wife. Still think you need to pick one passion? Laura exemplifies what it means to live a life by passion, pursuing what gives her energy and then giving that energy to those around her. There was a time not too long ago, though, when she was in the same position as many of you: unsure of what to make known and what to keep quiet.
“I've always loved reading, English, and journaling, but I actually didn't start writing until I was a medical student. I started because I was afraid to go to therapy. I was pregnant while on my OBGYN rotation on high-risk medicine. One night on call, we had a mother who lost her child at the exact same gestational age that I was at with my daughter. No one on my team knew I was pregnant, and after we finished managing her stillbirth, I couldn’t stop thinking about the family. Had she and her husband picked out a crib? Chosen a color for the room? What do you even think about after such a travesty? I said nothing, there was no expression on my face. Through the rituals of loss, I remained a passive observer. Later, when I got into the parking lot, I broke down sobbing, releasing grief for the family and the uncertainties of pregnancy. Eventually, I remember asking myself how am I going to process this? That’s where writing was born. Not that I wrote about specific names or events, but I needed to engage with my emotions surrounding the moment.” (later turned into the narrative essay, “Papaya”)
Check out some of Dr. Vater’s writing, including her first narrative essay, “Papaya” here!
For so long after, whenever she needed emotional release, Laura flocked to writing and journaling. It wasn’t for any goal to publish. Compartmentalization has its place in medicine, but it cannot heal. The writing process forced her to engage with her emotions, process tragedies, and ultimately remain connected to the heart of medicine. It wasn’t until much later that she looked back at her writing and began turning them into narrative essays. Maybe, just maybe, her writing could help others as it helped her.
Her writing didn’t stop at journaling or essays. It continued to grow, and like anything creative, it sprouted under unbelievable circumstances.
“When my daughter was two months old, I was finishing medical school. I’ll never forget this night. I woke to her in colicky pain, had overwhelming feelings of panic, and after things had settled, I had an idea for a novel. Really? What’s that about? Not the most ideal time to have a book idea, right? Being a new mother? Getting ready to start residency? But, the idea was exciting, and it had to do with medicine, mental health, compassion, and all these areas that I held so close to my heart. So, I had this idea for a novel and didn't know what to do with it. Throughout training, I kept envisioning, planning, and eventually writing. Bit by bit. And a short seven years later, I had a draft. Not the fastest process, of course, but the reason I kept up with it was the same reason I started. It had become my therapy. I came to it for healing.”
Dr. Vater’s “SMILE” Scale, a health and wellness tool to help live longer and happier lives. Check out her full list of resources/strategies here!
I cannot begin to express how much this resonated with the writer in me. When I see “seven years later,” I don’t feel discouraged, I feel relieved. She found a way to balance writing and medicine! Two pursuits that from the outside may seem incompatible, however, anyone pursuing both knows their common core: connect with people and their struggles in order to heal. And if you really love writing, it gives as much to you as it gives to others. Writing continues to help Laura process the difficult things she witnesses on a daily basis. While she has engaged with therapy for years now, writing continues to serve an additional therapeutic role in her life as well as those around her.
“Where I am now, we’ve actually created a program called “Writing for Wellness.” We get together, read narrative essays, and write together as a community. There is so much we all want to write: novels, op-eds, short stories, how does each person decide with the time we have? You don't have to decide. They complement each other. They help you heal and cope and maintain connections with patients in whatever form they take. Writing helps you to reflect and slow down interruption culture.”
I couldn't agree more. My writing began from a similar need. I wanted to address problems permeating through youth culture during the pandemic, but I also needed to cope myself. I believe the more life places stressors on you, the more important it is to give your heart to outlets. I’m beyond grateful for what writing gave me during that time, not just memories with readers I’ll never forget, but the ability to slow life down and heal my wounds before they became too large to manage.
Writing and Medicine:
Part of why I have looked up to Dr. Vater for so long is for trailblazing the melding of art and medicine. Medicine continues to evolve in wonderful ways, but it’s a slow process. It took far too long for medicine to accept the idea of a woman excelling in the profession, and we still aren’t remotely close to equality in that regard. Laura herself felt the need to conceal her pregnancy, one of the most natural parts of being human, for all the professional misconceptions that we’re still fighting to do away with. And look at the physician she’s become. Passions outside of medicine have long struggled to gain appreciation and support, which pushes those in training to hide fundamental parts of who they are.
“I was private about most things in my life outside of medicine. I was afraid. How would a program see my creative interests? I concealed my pregnancy out of fear. What residency programs would want me if I had a newborn? That fear of perception is so powerful. Eventually, it hit me. I don’t want to be in a program that doesn’t support all of me. I did a full 180. I instead told every program where I was interviewing in advance that I needed a place for breastfeeding or a lactation room. It was an initial test of, ‘Does this program support my life outside of medicine?’ Later, when it came to writing, I was finishing residency soon to start fellowship, and I was knee-deep into a novel. I would secretly look up members of each fellowship program and see if they majored in English or if they published any creative writing, just to see if maybe writing would be acceptable to talk about. But, oncology is one of the most competitive fellowships, and I didn’t want to risk screwing up my chances. I didn’t tell my residency, mentors, advisors, or anyone that I had plans to write books. Eventually, I matched into fellowship, and when I made my plans for writing known, I was met with so much support.
The social media advocacy, essays, novel aspirations, all of it my program was amazed by. They were so supportive and kind, and they were excited to help me on my path. You know when you talk about the things you love, you brighten up? Come alive? I think they saw sparks of that in me as I spoke of writing, and because they’re amazing, they urged me to keep revealing more. The truth is, the best mentor is not someone who wants you to be their replica. The best mentor is someone who can take your unique interests and talents and help shape you for where you want to go.”
The moral of the story: unapologetically be yourself. It harkens back to the first point about pursuing dreams. If you sacrifice everything you are to get there, you lose no matter what. I know it’s terrifying. The amount of time, energy, and money we sacrifice toward medical training, so to do anything that risks “putting a program off” feels wildly unnecessary. Stop. Breathe. Be you. If a part of who you are puts a program off, run from that program. Your honesty just saved you years of misery, and now, you get to focus on what you love at a place that celebrates you for it. Your future patients are going to be so grateful for that choice when they receive the best version of you.
As I said, medicine is evolving, and maybe it’s time for some of that fear to melt away. Laura, now being on the other side of interviews, would agree.
“I love being a part of all stages in medical training. In interviews, there’s nothing like seeing a person come alive talking about their passions. Everyone is unique, but not everyone expresses what makes them unique, and it’s so refreshing when they do. I wish I didn’t wait as long as I did to express myself. I kept such a big part of my life quiet because I thought that’s what they wanted. A good mentor or program is going to be thrilled that you have found what you love, regardless of what it is. I’m so thankful my mentors reminded me of that. They helped me build my dreams. So many people in medicine struggle with burnout, and part of that comes from not being able to protect outside passions. If you have something that you really care about, it’s vital to maintain it. I believe it protects your longevity in your career, your ability to do the work. We want people to stay in the field of medicine. We want them to have meaningful careers. We want people to have strong mental and physical health and above all be fulfilled. Go after those things that keep calling to your heart, pursue and protect them, and I promise it will keep you going.”
The Counterintuitive Secret:
So, how do we keep our passions alive? In the last year, I’ve spoken to a handful of high schools, colleges, and med schools who asked the same question. My answer is a bit counterintuitive, but I promise it works. We all possess a unique combination of interests. Every one of us can offer something no one else can. When we deprive our passions the time they deserve, we build a life we don’t enjoy. When I came into medical school, I cut out writing altogether arguing it was a complete distraction from what was important. I studied whenever I was awake, and no matter what I tried, my retention was abysmal. When I finally brought writing back, I was revitalized. To make time for writing, I completely re-imagined my study process making it personal and unique to my brain. The more I learned, the more I enjoyed writing. The more I wrote, the more ways I found to invigorate learning. When you give time to the passions you carry, it gives time to everything else. And if that isn’t reason enough, it fundamentally makes you a better physician.
“Writing helps us to be more connected to ourselves and our patients. There's this concept, the parallel chart. The aspects of patient care that can’t be put in a medical chart need to go somewhere. Journaling in a parallel chart helps you cope with your experiences. Good or bad, you learn, properly process the full scope of medicine, and ultimately move forward to keep serving. It helps you slow down, reflect and think about your patient as a human being. In doing so, we remain connected to our patients as well as ourselves. There is such a compassion crisis in medicine. It's been well documented that over half of patients feel that their doctors are just not compassionate. Time constraints force you to sprint through each day always thinking about the next order, next page, next patient. How, in all that, do you reconnect with your humanity and the humanity of your patients? Writing is one incredible tool that allows for that, but maintaining any passion provides the same support.”
I think sometimes it gets misconstrued that your passion needs to be pushed to its most extreme limit in order to be worth it. I’ve had so many aspiring physicians say some form of, “If my writing doesn’t publish a book, my music doesn’t go around on Spotify, my art doesn’t produce a following…why would anyone care?” Whether it’s a medical school, a residency program, or beyond, they care because it’s who you are, and that has everything to do with patient care. Who you are will serve a unique role on any service team. What’s one thing that the majority of patients can’t relate to? Medicine. When we only live and breathe medicine at the cost of what grounds us, we lose our ability to connect with patients altogether. I promise your love of guitar, even if it’s just strumming an hour a week, will serve a great purpose in medicine.
The Future of Medicine:
In the last few years, I have been so encouraged by what I’m seeing in the realms of creativity and medicine. I’ve seen countless creative endeavors flourish involving MedEd, research, patient care, volunteering and so much more. I know it gives Laura and people like her the courage to keep working centering the future of medicine around humanism.
“It's kind of funny to be on the other side of the curtain, now. Being a part of committees and wellness conversations to infuse medicine with humanity is exhilarating. I get to talk about reading and writing and music and all these things that cultivate compassion in ourselves and those around us? C’mon, it’s a dream. I never thought people would care about these things, and now, there are almost too many opportunities to count. Never would I have dreamed I would be doing what I’m doing at this moment in my career, both in medicine and writing, all while getting the chance to help guide the next generation to do the same. To anyone pursuing medicine with other passions on their heart, be courageous. Allow yourself to be yourself. Step into your curiosities and passions, and do not settle for a life without what you love.”
Dr. Vater, at the start of her journey :)
It’s easy when you start training to focus on destinations. You focus on the end of the week, the end of the rotation, the ___ point in your career. There's always another step you can focus on or work toward. And if you play your cards right, you can finally find peace and celebrate “making it” right as you retire. Hooray. We all need to reframe the pursuit of medicine with an emphasis on its pursuit. The journey is a wonderful, fulfilling experience if your heart remains focused on the process. The more we work and sacrifice for those sporadic “victories” along the road, the faster we burn out between their occurrences. The truth is any career is unpredictable, and that’s a wonderful thing. Do you really want to know exactly how your future plays out? If you continually wait for a day to come, how can ever enjoy the day you’re in now? Take each day as a gift, help those you can at whatever stage in training you find yourself, and protect the passions that fuel your fire along the way. The mindset is not so dissimilar to writing itself. The least enjoyable part of writing books, in my opinion, is their publication. The story is over, and the characters you’ve spent days or years with suddenly leave your life. It’s exciting to celebrate the finish line of a story, but that feeling leaves almost as soon as it comes. The real excitement comes from the day-to-day process of writing, coming up with something new, fine-tuning. We should view our path in medicine the same way.
“10 years ago, I had no idea that this was going to be my path. And now, all I wish is that I would’ve been more vocal earlier. I see clinical medicine always being a part of my life. It not only inspires my writing, but I simply just love it. I love getting to work with patients with cancer. I know that a lot of people say, ‘Oh, that's so sad. That's tragic. How can you enjoy that?’ I truly love the work that I do. I love my patients, and it’s the most fulfilling work for me. I always see myself with a foot in clinical medicine. I also want to write novels for the rest of my life until my hands stop working. These aren’t mutually exclusive. I want to write stories about mental health, human connection, kindness, forgiveness, encouragement, and compassion in medicine. I have no idea what my future will look like 10 years from now, but I hope that I can make the field of medicine a little bit more human as a physician and writer. I’d love to encourage people in training or in practice to always be their truest selves.”
Thank you so much, Dr. Vater, for taking the time to share your life, insight, and heart with readers. You continue to be the change in medicine we need and inspire so many to follow. And speaking of, if you haven’t already heard, Dr. Vater has just created the Life Support Community, a space where she gives weekly live-streamed talks with tangible tips to encourage and guide students, trainees, and practicing clinicians. You can learn more here: patreon.com/DocLauraVater. Be sure to check it out!
Keep up all the incredible work, and keep building a better future for medicine! Be sure to follow @doclauravater and check out her site to follow her writing, speaking, and more. Until next time, stay healthy, and happy reading!
More by Tyler Beauchamp at www.tyler-beauchamp.com
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